As I have mentioned in class one of the times that I fell victim to my perceptual process was when I met my good friend Herman. When I met Herman they had just hired him at the movie theater that I worked for. Here is when my process started. Step one Sensation. I met this man who had long unkempt hair, long finger nails, dry skin, and I learned he was from Chicago. In the organization step I put these things together along with the fact that he was black and came to the interpretation that this must mean he is just a punk. Some low life from dirty Chicago. I wanted nothing to do with him. He was not a person I want to be seen with. 

at a first glance

my friends

I am filled with extreme guilt for judging Herman this way because I couldn't have been more wrong. Yes he is black and yes he is from Chicago, but I did not see that, he is a funny, talented young man trying to make a life for himself by going to college. He is helping raise his nephew and he had created a better environment at work... something I wanted to be apart of. Today Herman is one of my very best friends. While I do tease him occasionally with the big racial stereotypes. Like for example offering him grape Kool-Aid, or inviting him over for fried chicken, or teasing him because his apartment complex is called "the fields".  We both understand that it is all in good fun and that I would never really be so mean. 

Cause Herman is my Cracker

More recently, (while writing this) I fell victim to somebody else's perceptual process. I was on the phone talking to one of my girlfriends about some people she had just seen that we had gone to high school with. We were comparing ourselves  and where we are in our lives to these other people and where they are in their lives. (Something I find my self doing way to often.) When my girlfriend said "Well I live in a trailer so I am not doing much better." I was trying to make her feel better by telling her that the trailer doesn't define her. She has been saving up her money and doing a splendid job. She just lost a ton of weight and is looking "hella good". Plus Her and her husband are both employed and going to college. Nothing to be ashamed about.

Well all the time I am giving my friend this pep talk my husband sitting next to me playing Destiny on the PS4. He had joined a party chat and one of the men also in the chat could hear my side of the conversation.  Or at least bits and pieces. So in his perceptual process he had heard me talking. Of course I do not know what all he heard but I do know he only heard my half of the conversation. I feel that he may have taken it out of context because his evaluation of me was that I was a bitch. This person did not know me and he could not have known I was trying to make my friend feel better and his opinion of me was made up from just a few words I had said in half of a conversation. 

Authentic Self

Me 80's night. No shame.

So as we all know we were asked to blog about our authentic selves. I don't know about all of you but for me this isn't as easy as just sitting down and writing it out. This took a lot of thought and consideration. I really had to sit and get to know me. Isn't that funny. I don't even know me. I think I am beginning to and I really hope that this knowledge will grow. One of the young men in class said "you are the sum of your closest friends." For some people this may be true but for me it couldn't more wrong. I seem to be the exact opposite of my closest friends. I really don't know how we get along so well. In my case I seem to be the sum of what I thought my parents were when I was growing up. Some people might be embarrassed by that but I couldn't be any more proud of it. I have remarkable parents... you should all be extremely jealous. But like most of us know by now our parents are not who we thought they were when we were five. But even while learning who they really are they are still teaching me and making me a better person from their faults.  

The sum of me...are you jealous? 

I am twenty two and still learning a lot out of life therefore I am still changing. I think we all get so caught up in what we want to be we don't know who we are. I don't think we will ever know who we really are. But from what I have gathered from my "self" chats I am angry. I am angry about everything. I  have a fuse so short by the time you know you messed up it is just to late and there is nothing you can do about it. I was talking to my mom about this ( I talk to that woman about EVERYTHING its dangerous. ) and she said when I was little she would know I was angry because I would get a red V on my forehead and the rest of my face would be blank but the red V was my give away. She said she would see and just go " damn she is pissed" So I am angry. Angry at my parents, my siblings, my life, your life. Everything. I try not to be but when I try not to be...I get angry.

I am terrified. Mostly for my parents. But also me and my siblings. I am of the Latter Day Saint faith and have been married in the Nashville Tennessee Temple. I know the reason behind being married here was wrong but it was something I had to do. I did not do it out of love for my husband or for God or for the Church. I did it for the children I do not currently have. Because I could not make them grow up with the fears that I grew up with. This is no joke , no  laughing matter. I am 100% serious when I say that I would cry myself to sleep EVERY single night as a child knowing I am not sealed to my parents and they are not sealed to each other. I am not sealed to my family and that terrifies me. I love my family more than life and could not make my future children suffer like I have I know it is silly and some of you do not believe in this but I do and it haunts me.

My Parents at my wedding. . 

I am loyal to the end. If I have chosen you to be my friend ( I am extremely selective of my friends) then I love you and I will support you in anything you choose to do. My best friend has gone through more than any person deserves to go through. I wont be getting into it. But because of the traumatic events in her life. she is living a life that I would not wish for her to have. I love her and do not agree with what she is currently doing but I will stand by her, help her, stand up for her, all while telling her that there is so much more than this. We are not as close as we once were. But we have gone through so much together she is so much more to me than a friend. But my loyalty does not end with her.   It goes for all my friends. My family. If I have chosen you to be a part of my life then I love you and have chosen you for my life not just a few weeks or months.

I am EXTREMELY  sensitive. I take things too personally. I get offended on a dime. I will cry for no reason at all. It makes my husband absolutely crazy when he won't eat the meal I have selected for us  (even if it is Kraft mac and cheese) and I go into hysterics. I am an emotional time bomb.

As I am sure you have gathered already my family is number one. No ands ifs or buts about it. They are important to me.

I am a leader. Mostly for my siblings. I am the second of five girls and I was always told " they are watching you. everything you do they see. they want to be like you." While some may be flattered by this. I feel like it is a weight on my leg dragging me down. Because as much as I want to dismiss this it is true. I can feel them watching me. So I monitor everything I do. Anytime I make a decision I think. "how will they interpret this how will they react to it? How can I do better so that they may be better? I know that this right here ruins my Authentic self, but it has become apart of who I am. I am who they look up to.

I am a fighter. This particular trait I get from my Father. My Father is a Marine and served for 17 years. He would have served longer if he wasn't diagnosed with Granular Cell astrocytoma grade 3. in other words really big brain tumor. They diagnosed me with 2 years with a Father. I am happy to say 18 years later that hard head is still kicking. Of course the tumor has altered his personality a lot but every once in a while the old him shows through and I am grateful for those moments with him. If he could fight through his whole life being ripped away from him then I can fight for everything else. My family, my marriage, my future, and my past. I have lost a lot and I will fight to get it back.

Last but not least. I am a sucker for Dad stories. I am a Daddies girl always have been always will be. I almost lost him when I was very young and am very fortunate to still have him. In class the other day Eric was talking about his Dad... it took everything I had not to run out balling. Cancer and Dads stories  the two things that will turn me into mush put them together and you better hope you have a boat.

Eric also asked us to ask someone we trust to tell us one thing we don't know about ourselves. That person for me is my Mom. Her answer "you are honest to a fault". I am hoping that is a good thing she did not really get into detail for me. One more thing for me to think on.

So if you havent got it yet I am a hard headed honest fighter with a short fuse. I am a loyal baby trying to fix my family. My husband says my authentic self is "a total babe".

Identity Poem from freshmen year high school. Sorry about quality

"What do you see when you're looking at me?

Do you see the curve of my jaw?

The shape of the lips?

The length of my legs, the orbit of my hips?

Polish on my nails?

The art of my body?

If these are the things that you see then you're not seeing me. 

When I look in the mirror the reflection I see is that of a young girl.

 I see the spirit of a hawk.

The hunger of a lion

The love of a Mother, the joy of a child.

The beauty of a Princess.

The style from '83.

A child divine 

with endless possibilities.

A caring youth who gives out her heart.

I see the soul within the body.

Waiting to take flight.

Full of color and love; like the sky above.

A placid spirit.

These are the things you should see when looking at me.

For when I look in the mirror the reflection I see is totally completely and endlessly me."

Hello all!
My Name is Chelsea Elizabeth Harris. I am 22 years old and I have never done a blog before. This shall be a very interesting experience for us all. I was born in Honolulu Hawaii where I lived for 3 years. I then moved to Kearns Utah, St George Utah and I just spent the last ten years in Carbondale Illinois. Now I am back in St. George currently studding at Dixie. I am still currently exploring my options as to what I want to be when I grow up. However I am leaning towards Occupational Therapy. (Not a program offered by Dixie). :-(

While growing up my family was very involved in the foster system and I have gained more  experience than I care to admit with all kinds of children with all kinds of backgrounds. Because of this I have a very large and very abnormal family. We try to keep in touch with as many of them as we can. The most challenging and my favorite experiences where in Carbondale where we only took in children with brain and spinal injuries. I got to meet so many wonderful people with such tragic stories and because of this is the reason why i am leaning towards occupational therapy.  I love being around these kids and I love helping them.

Cameron. Brain tumor survivor. My home boy.

The main things about me is I love the 80's even though I never lived during the time. David Bowie is my one true love even though I tell my husband different. But he knows better.  I love the movies. But Family is my number one!